January 2009
December 2008
WatchMark my words: G-Force will be the most important guinea pig-centric movie of our time.
And it stars my man Zach.
Because sometimes, after a long long day…...
If there's one thing I've learned from having a...
Its that I’m not a great speller. And my grammar skills are on the weak side, too. Apparently I can never go on a game show that will test my English skills.
I mean, it’s cool. I can still always go win $30 g’s on WHAMMY!
Apparently Time Warner might save me from 13 weeks... →
However, TW can expect a strongly worded letter from me requesting that they prorate my bill until we get the channels back. I write a great letter when I’m under duress.
So my Mom just walks into our living room and...
Me: Just so you know, I'm watching "The City".
Mom: What's that?
Me: It's "The Hills" in New York. "The Hills" is "Laguna Beach" in LA.
Mom: Oh.
Me: It's essentially cotton candy for your brain.
Mom: [Stands up and walks out.]
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-12-21) →
Girl Talk (5)
The Jackson 5 (3)
ABBA (3)
Mates of State (2)
Gretchen Wilson (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Everytime I cuss in front of my Mom (yes... cuss,...
Ralphie: Oooh fuuudge!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Mr. Parker: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Ralphie: Uh, um...
Mr. Parker: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.
“…interviewers are just dying to know what happens when you uproot a...”
– The Cut. You know what, The Cut? You can go screw yourself. The only time I ever drive 2 blocks is when I go to the Ralph’s across the street, and that’s only because groceries are heavy. Wah wah wah… Angelenos never walk anywhere. Sorry, but that’s not the reason why The...
I don't think Drew Barrymore and I could ever be... →
We seem to want to date the same men. Well, she actually dates them whereas I just lust after them and get tongue-tied on the rare occasion when I’m actually within 50 ft of them. (Or, in the case of Jason Segel, I never encounter them even after stalking their notorious hideouts.)
Itsnotfair.
WatchI might pack him in my luggage and take him back to LA. He’s so entertaining.
WatchHow to terrorize a small child, by Katie
For the record, we were nowhere near the topic of...
Mom: Speaking of significant others, how's [redacted]?
Me: [Incredulous look]
Mom: What?
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: Ok... well, maybe not significant in that "significant" way... but significant in that he's significant to you. Just not romantically.
Me: [Further incredulous look.] He's fine, Mom. Maybe you'll even get to see him.
Mom: [Various pleased noises, as she loves him.] So, do you guys have one of those pacts? Like if you reach a certain age, you decide to get married?
Me: Sure... if we want to assure a murder-suicide a year later.
My mother, a newly minted Falcons fanatic, was jumping up and down as they clinched their playoff bid tonight.
It was pretty adorable.
Not to toot my own horn... (beep beep)
But if you ever want to feel hot, just wear a bright red trench coat, tights, and boots on your expedition to Target in suburban Atlanta on a Sunday night. Apparently the suburban dads will all be fantasizing about what you have under it (in my case, I was wearing a dress… I swear). You might not actually want to do any of them, but it still is nice to be appreciated.
Just sayin. (And...
I am the only one in my office, I am dressed like a homeless person, and I’m eating a lunch of pizza, tuna tartare, and gazpacho from the comm.
If that doesn’t say Christmas, I don’t know what will. Now its time to watch some Gilmore Girls.
songsttoremember:
American Pie by Don McLean
We...
Thought of the Day
There are two kinds of people in this world: stewers and forgetters.
I tend to be a stewer, but I’m trying my damndest to learn to forget.
Last night's "Intervention" sounds AWESOME. Must... →
Bummer of the Day →
I mean… good for that guy. But sucks for the poor runner up.
Thing I Cannot Stand O' the Day (It's Raining in...
When LA drivers absolutely lose their shit because there is moisture on the ground and OH MY GOD my tires might lose traction, so I will drive under 20mph up Vine.
Also people who don’t understand what to do at a broken traffic light. (For the record, you treat it as a 4 way stop. Which means that you do not get to go just because the car in front of you is going. You totally deserved my...